Common Courtesy
Amy Fulfer
I came to North Texas in 1995 to attend college after spending the previous 16 years of my life in Cd. Juarez, Mexico. I didn’t expect to experience much culture shock because I am an American, raised by German parents from Iowa. I was surprised to learn that there would be more adjustments to moving into mainstream America than I had predicted.
Hospitality and courtesy are paramount to Mexicans. If you are invited to be a guest in the home, you can be sure that they will do everything in their power to see that you are well taken care of. If their resources can only provide a small meal, it is a common practice to insist that you eat alone first, to be sure that you have eaten your fill. After that, the family will eat what remains.
If you admire something that they have, you would be wise to keep your compliments subdued. If your admiration is too effusive, they will very likely present the object to you as a gift—possibly out of generosity, though more likely due to an obligation not to be discourteous. Within the first two minutes or so of entering the home, you will be offered something to drink. Often they will ask if you would like to eat and proceed to cook something just for you if you are not convincing in stating that you aren't hungry. (And if you eat, when you are full, do not clean your plate. A clean plate is an indication that your hunger hasn't been satisfied and you will be given additional servings until it is.)
This same courtesy is also expected from the guests. One would never ask for food or drink, because that would imply that the host is too rude to offer them—it would be an enormous insult. One must eat or drink some of all that is offered, compliment it and be very appreciative for it.
Discourtesy is extremely hurtful on either side.
This was never explained to me. This is what I grew up with. In my mind, this was the only way there was to act or feel. It was all I had ever known. I never gave it a thought that things might be different north of the border.
The first time that I visited the home of one of my college friends was near the end of my freshman year in college. We had been outdoors for a while and I was hot and very thirsty. I was grateful to be going to her house because I knew I would get a drink there. After about 5 minutes in the family room, however, I started to wonder. Time passed and the offer of a drink never came. I was shocked. I had just met this family. What had I done to make them dislike me so much, so quickly? Had my friend been making negative comments about me? It was quite clear to me that by not offering me a drink, they didn't wish to have me as a guest and would like for me to make my departure soon. I would have gone, but I had ridden with her and was trapped.
I couldn't understand the feigned friendliness of their chatting when they were obviously wishing I would leave! My friend's mother even had a glass of iced tea sitting next to her chair—the condensation sliding down the side onto the coaster was just about more than my parched throat could bear, but I simply could not bring myself to ask for any. You just don't waltz into someone's home for the first time and insult them!
Finally, I excused myself to the bathroom (which is a perfectly acceptable request) and drank by hand scoops from the tap. I miserably endured the rest of my unwelcome visit, and was relieved when my wounded feelings and I could finally walk out that door. I didn’t know until much later that my friend’s parents did like me and always had! They even offered to let me spend the summer with them and carpool to work with them. I did stay and we had a marvelous time. It was a very good thing that by then, I'd learned it was ok to go and get a drink for myself.
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